Don’t Wear Pajama’s Unless You’re Going to Bed

Saturday night I made a trip to the pharmacy and local convenience store in a pair of cut off jean shorts and sweater boots. And no one cared! Why, you ask? Because everyone else is wearing f-ing pajamas.

This makes me crazy. I do not find it cute or hip or even remotely attractive to see some 40 plus man, woman or other dressed in a pair of Santa Claus hat pajamas in front of me buying lottery tickets. I don’t think you’re clever for flipping off convention by refusing to wear acceptable outside clothes in public place. I think you’re lazy. I think you realize your lot in life and basically have given up.

I purposely exclude anyone under 20 in this category. Okay, make it 22. Anyone in college on down is exempt from my rail again the pajama people. You guys are just learning about good judgment and you sure as hell don’t care what I think of you so in order to clear my own mind, I’m giving you a free pass. Infants are exempt too because, honestly, wouldn’t we all run around in sleepers if only we could? So infants and the young, you are okay. Keep wearing your pj’s to the store.

However, if you either have a job, are retired from a job or are capable of working, this is for you. Wear clothes outside. All the time. Most of the time. If you’re husband or wife accidently trips the alarm on the car and doesn’t have the remote thingy and its 3:30 in the morning, you can go out in your pj’s and click the car off. If you’re battling insomnia and its 1:45 a.m. in the middle of summer, you can sit on your front porch in your pj’s and watch the drunks roll out of the bar. And finally, if it’s Saturday night and you’re snugged in your pj’s and you need a McFlurry so bad you’re scratching and shaking, you can go in your pajamas. But you have to use the drive thru. Otherwise, you’ll be disturbing me sitting in McD’s feeding my McFlurry addiction.

The rules are simple. Don’t be seen in your pajamas. And if you see me in my shorts and sweater boots, don’t sweat it. I look good.

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