Fight Club

This week’s The Red Dress Club writing prompt was to describe a fight, fiction, or not. I hope you enjoy.

“Shelby, you broke my nose!” Tara seethed with clenched teeth.

“Maybe next time, you’ll keep your big mouth shut.” I did some seething of my own.

It could have been a scene straight out of a movie but it was happening, really happening, to me. I was honest to God standing in the middle of a muddy lot, rain pouring down, thunder pounding and lightening flashing, lighting the scene with an eerie electric glow.

My clothes were soaked through and my hair trailed across my cheek and neck in thick, wet strands, whipping up as the wind shifted.

I kept my stance wide, keeping my balance low and level so that I couldn’t be shoved and pummeled to the ground. My legs were slightly bent and I was sort of proud of myself that even if I lost this freakin’ fight; I’d look good going down.

Tara stood in front of me a little worse for the wear. She wasn’t deserving of my pent up anger tonight but she was getting the full force of everything I was feeling. She was an incidental, but she was by no means innocent. A slow smile spread across my bloodied lips as I thought how she could have never bargained for the beat down she’d just received.

It had been a reckless night for me, drinking too much and caring too little. Daring someone, hell anyone, to challenge me. These kinds of nights had been a way too frequent an occurrence lately, ever since, well ever since it happened. And tonight, after a few days of no sleep, a lot of fury and a fierce feeling of being betrayed, that I’d finally let loose.

If Tara had known my acid mood, she would have never approached me, alone at the far dark end of the bar, working on my third straight bender. She should have seen the malice shining in my eyes and she should have just turned right around and left well enough alone. Tara wasn’t the sharpest knife in the block. So I took it upon myself to teacher her a lesson. I raised my fists for her final exam.

“Wait. Shelby, you don’t want to do this.” His voice still managed to send shivers down my spine.

“Stay out of this Wade.” I spun to him, my fighting stance looking better and better. “Unless you want me to beat your ass.”

Wade held out a hand to me and Goddammit I wanted to take it. I wanted to crumple into his arms and end the hell that’s been ruling my life. I slowly lowered my fists in defeat. I knew I couldn’t win. I knew this wasn’t Tara’s fight to lose; it was mine.

Tara recognized the opportunity rather as one to flee rather than fight and sprinted back to the bar we’d exited. It was over, she was gone and I was still here, with Wade.

He approached me slowly and wrapped his large hands around my still clenched fists. He leaned down until his forehead touched mine.

“You are a crazy chick.” His voice was low and a little raspy from a little too much whiskey. Apparently, he’d been seeking answers in a bottle as well. “But I still love you. Come home babe, we’ll make this right.”

I sniffled my assent. We would make this right.


8 responses to “Fight Club

  1. Oooph! Excellent! What a brawl!

    I loved the fact that it took me a little to understand that both your fighters were female – I am curious as to whether this was intentional or happy by-product?

    What I loved and what I would suggest working on are one and the same: word choice.

    Sometimes you nail it:
    “She was an incidental, but she was by no means innocent”
    Love the alliteration, love the structure!

    Other times, it gets in your way:
    “I was honest to God standing in the middle of a muddy lot, rain pouring down, thunder pounding and LIGHTENING flashing, LIGHTING the scene with an eerie electric glow.”
    My mind got stuck here, and I had to read it a few times.

    Overall, great character development – I loved reading your balls-to-wall female, who nevertheless–as so many of us do–melt in the presence of that one guy 😉


    • Barbara: thank you so much for your comment and I totally agree that sometimes my word choice is a little, ah, unbalanced. When I looked at your example, “lighting” should have been replaced with “streaking” or “striping” or even ‘electrifying’. I really appreciate your comment. I’ve learned from it. Warmly, Denise

  2. Goodness, you created such a good fight scene I wondered if you yourself had been involved in something like this at one time. Great writing!

  3. And if he doesn’t make it right…you better kick his ass! Gee, chick fights are soo ugly. You captured the beer muscles and frustration well. I enjoyed reading your story.

  4. Your descriptive writing put me in the middle of the action — I could even feel the rain soaking my clothes! I love the way you introduced Wade into the story.

  5. “If Tara had known my acid mood, she would have never approached me, alone at the far dark end of the bar, working on my third straight bender. ” I really love this line, especially the acid mood. Its very visual.

    I’m a bit confused over the last few ending paragraphs where Wade is involved. Does Wade come outside? Was she just imagining the fight? I’m not really sure how we got from the bloody fight in the rain, to Wade at the back of the bar and getting ready to fight.

    You really did a great job talking about the fight–the descriptions, etc. it was an enjoyable read. Is there going to be more from these characters?

    • Hello and thanks so much for the comment. I really appreciate the input. I was perusing your blog site over the weekend and I was so impressed with it. I really need to get up to speed with making my blog look better.

      As to your question about these particular characters, they are a little old and a little new. I have a manuscript that I wrote in 2006 (still unpublished) and Shelby is a lot like the main female character in that book. The others are new and I was in a Southern frame of mind when I wrote that piece. I’ve been giving them a little thought lately and I might develop them into at least a short story.

      Again, I so appreciate your comments. They’ve given me a boost and I think I’ll dust off that old manuscript and shop it around a little more! Warmly, Denise

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