Shhh….No Talking Zone

Phew, it feels like a year since I’ve last blogged. I was doing so well, and then I sorta just…didn’t. Something that I was pretty devoted to (for me at least); I just let slip. I guess that’s a real-time gauge of my attention span, which is, as I have mentioned before, about the same as a gnat’s.

Go figure.

It’s no wonder I can’t pay attention. People are so damn busy saying nothing, or worse than saying nothing, saying shit I don’t even understand. And just like a toddler who really can’t grasp the language, I tune it out. People are talking and talking and I’m playing with my fingers and wondering if I pee’d my diaper. (Not really, I just added that for effect.)

And what really gripes me or, if we’re keeping with the toddler theme, curdles my formula(1), is that these people who are doing all the blathering actually think they’re saying something useful. You’re not. You just spouting opinions and ideas that you heard someone else spit out previously. You’re basically vomiting words. Stoppit.

I understand the importance of talking and being heard. I know that even if it isn’t a novel idea, it sometimes bears repeating. And there are times I am listening. Like when you don’t want me to. Oh, I’m all ears then. But really, there’s got to be some guidelines when it comes to when and (more importantly) when not to speak. So without further delay…

  • If you are not directly involved in the subject matter, keep your mouth shut. i.e.: if you do not have children, don’t tell me how to raise mine. Insert, dog, cat, lizard, fish as you see fit.
  • If you are not responsible for fixing what you are railing on about, keep your mouth shut. You can’t stop the rain so quit telling me about it.
  • If you haven’t thought it through, if you didn’t actually say the words in your head (or in front of a mirror if you’re that kind of guy) and given them the once over, keep your mouth shut. Think about it before you say it. This guideline cannot be stressed enough. It’s for both our benefits.
  • If you are partly responsible for fixing what you are railing on about, but need to consult with others, keep your mouth mostly shut. For instance, if you sit on a committee or are a part of an organization or a member of the clergy (but not the Pope), don’t tell me you’re going to fix my parks, my public water lines or my soul. You’re gonna need a majority vote for that and you’re just one. You can go ahead and suggest I live a life of sanctity, but don’t push it unless you’ve got the requisite votes.(2)
  • If you rely on gossip or rumor to put forth your statements; by all means, I’m all ears.

So let’s all get on board with this new policy. I think if we all do our part, the world will be a better, and quieter, place.

(1) I’m a proponent of breastfeeding, but I don’t know if it curdles.

(2) If you are the Holy Se, you’ve got bigger fish to fry than me.

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