Random Utterings

We think we’re funny and here’s some proof…

 

Me: Were you in my jewelry box?

Daughter: Yes I was. I was looking in it.

Me: Well okay, but you need to put the lid down. And besides, it is my jewelry.

Daughter: For now.

 

Dad: You’re so cute when you mad.

Daughter: Well I’m about to get adorable.

 

Son2: What the big deal? I took the dog for a walk.

Dad: It wasn’t me, your mother was more worried.

Son2: I mean it’s not like I just let her loose to eat people.

Dad: Son, talk to your mother. She’s the one without faith in you.

 

Son2: Did you just fart and knock something off your bed?

Dead Silence

 

Daughter after a shopping trip, talking to her grandfather: Yep, grammie just kept signing and signing and signing.

Grandpa to Grammie: I’m going to need your credit card.

 

Son2 as a toddler to the grocery store clerk: Yeeaah, I just got back in town.

Clerk: You’re so cute. You just got back in town?

Son2: Yeeah, I just got out of jail.

Clerk: You did!

Son2: Yeeah, I killed a man.

Clerk: That’ll be $25.20 please.

 

Son2: You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are.

Me: You’re grounded Chuckles. I’m a barrel of laughs.

 

Son2: Mom, do you want grandchildren?

Me: Don’t take this personally, but no. You kids are such a pain in the ass, I don’t think I want anything you’ve produced.

Son2: Yeah I know. I’m a pain in my own ass. Cool.

 

Husband: The clothes are not done until they are put away.

Me: How about I put them away on the front lawn. Is that put away enough for you?

 

Me: Where’d you get your sensitivity training? Auschwitz?

 

 

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