Get out of my Inbox!

Oh. My. God. Enough with the junk mail. I get stupid emails for everything from surveys to recipes to sexual aides (okay, I don’t mind those so much). How in the hell did I get all these electronic nuisances? Because I’m the dumb ass who signed up for them. Sure probably not all of them, but enough to get the ball rolling. And so when it takes me an hour to get through my email and I’m decidedly dumber for it, I’ve got no one else to blame but myself. And that, friend, is no fun.

It started out innocently enough. I like to cook. So I got on the email list for a few recipe sites. That worked out very well. Then they wanted me to sign on for daily recipes and I thought that was the answer to all my questions. Well at least the number one asked question in this house. “What do you want for dinner?” So I subscribed. How could getting a recipe in my email inbox be so bad? Because they are stupid recipes that I don’t want to make! We don’t want bacon wrapped hot dogs. Who the hell wants bacon wrapped hot dogs? May as well make them and then schedule your heart cath!

Next are the stupid survey emails I get a few times a day. I think these came about through registering for a couponing site. So for a paltry coupon for a free Jell-O whatever that I let expire I am bombarded with stupid emails asking me to take a survey. And for my highly-regarded opinion, they promise me free meals at restaurants or even cash. Yeah, I so believe that. And I still water my pet rock every day too.

Finally are the emails that try to get me to apply for a loan or buy a car or a myriad of other services, products and snake oil treatments that will set my life right and possible help me find God. No. Thanks. And I have to sort through all these asinine emails to find the really important ones: the electric bill, the car insurance reminder and when my items from QVC have shipped! (Obviously not listed in order of importance here.)

I’m sick of them. I want them all to go away. I slide them away on my phone and my tablet, but that doesn’t erase them from my inbox. And after a week of letting my index finger effortlessly trash all those emails, I’m sitting on my porch; laptop perched on my knee looking at over a thousand freaking emails! I should be working on my book and yet there I am deleting so many damn emails I’m ready to scream. And it’s my own fault.


So get the hell outta my inbox you dastardly junk email! Quit flooding my inbox and let me write!


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