Just kill me now. I am so sick. I want to whine and cry and bitch and moan. I want people to bring me chicken soup and margaritas and smutty paperback novels. I want my blankie, but on the side cause I’ve got a freakin fever and I’m hot. I want to be under the covers with the a/c on so if I want to make my piggy toes cold, I can stick them out.
I want propped up but not too far that I can’t lull my head to the one side as the NyQuil takes effect. I want NyQuil, but I don’t want to taste it. My tongue feels like someone hacked it up with a razor blade, I’ve taken so much medicine. I think the shit is oozing out of my pores.
I want someone to give me a hot bath, but not too long that I prune, but long enough that my bones aren’t achy anymore and then you’ll have to dry me off quick cause I can’t stand being wet and cold. Wet and hot was okay, but this wet and cold is shit for the birds. Then you’ll have to find my favorite cami and panties and put me in them. Oh wait, not those ones cause sometimes when I cough too much…nevermind. Just give me grannie panties for now.
And rub me down with the menthol shit but not too rough, my skin feels like paper and wait, is that the generic stuff? Is that the stuff I put on the kid’s feet? What the hell are you thinking? Do you hate me so badly that you’re going to put that on me? What have I done to you to deserve that? It’s okay, I’m sorry. I’m just a little sick, you know.
And now, can you put me back in bed? No! Don’t touch me. Well, I’m too sick to get into bed myself. Okay Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sick you know. Where’s the Shitzuh? I need her. She keeps me warm. There’s a good girl. No, I don’t love the dog more than you.
What? You’re getting in bed too? But I was using you pillows to prop my poor snot clogged head up. Oh, you have work? You have work?! Work!! How can you even think of going to work when I’m so sick? Me? I have to go to work. I’ve got shit to do. Geesh, what do you think I am? A baby?
To my dear husband…I love you. You’ve put up with more than your fair share of me these past three weeks. When I get better, I’m doing to do all those things that you like. You know those things I say and then we get to other stuff and then I’m sorta tired or sated or was just flat out bluffing? Yeah, those things. When I’m better, baby…