A Bitch Named Technology

I know I’ve ranting on about Technology before and how I hate it and how it hates me. But I didn’t know just how bad it hates me. I think it wants to see me dead. I know it stalks me. I really need to watch my back.

Last week, I decided that I loved my cell phone and I was disappointed to learn that my particular model was no longer being made. That bummed me out. Technology had sold me out. It was a minor blow; I’m sure I could have found a new cell phone that I liked just as well, but it was the principle of thing. I like my phone. I wanted it to continue to work and not be made obsolete by some cynical bitch named Technology.

Well, it appears that Technology is in league with Fate and as Fate would have it; I dropped my phone and smashed the screen. Technology added insult to injury and made the phone work, but not the touch screen. I was tortured with the knowledge that I was receiving phone calls and texts, but could not answer them. Technology got off on the irony. Miserable Bitch. Fate wandered off to screw with someone else.

I decided that I was no one whipping girl and I used Technology against itself and went on eBay and ordered a new phone. Exactly like the one it had saw fit for me to smash. Ah-hah! Take that Technology.

Technology fought back. It messed with my modem and screwed up my Internet. Everyone’s Internet. People in my household were unhappy with me. “Don’t mess with Technology,” they told me. “You’re ruining it for the rest of us.” I was supposed to lie down and take it. Well, I don’t take it from anyone, especially a conniving wraith named Technology.

I persevered. I turned things off and on again. I jiggled wires and pushed plugs in to make sure they were tight. I cursed. If my phone wouldn’t had been smashed I would have used it as a mobile hotspot and gave Technology the finger. But Technology closed that opportunity for me. Evil Bitch.

Finally, I got the damn phone ordered and then one day it was on my doorstep. I was ecstatic. I was again able to connect with the outside world. Landlines be damned; I was cellular once again. And then I tried to activate the friggin thing.

Two calls and twenty minutes on the phone with a nice customer service rep and I was all activiated. I could once again reach out to my friends and family and grace them with my witty texts. I could browse the web, shop and check my email all with slide of a finger. I was free again.

Family circumstances had made it necessary to take my phone to bed with me for the last few years and I felt a sense of comfort that I could again be within a phone calls notice. I think I even slept better that night. I woke up rested and happy. I grabbed my cell phone to make sure all was right with world. The damn battery of dead!

Freakin’ Technology. It holds a grudge longer than I do!

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