Guarantees are a State of Mind

I happened upon the side of the box of feminine hygiene product and noticed a money back guarantee. I found that odd, but I guess I can understand the need for the things to work, and the need for the company to be sure that they do. It’s sorta high-stakes when it comes to that kind of thing so sure, I’d like a guarantee. But what really struck me was the last sentence. Void in Massachusetts (thank God spellcheck knew how to spell that; otherwise, I’d have to abbreviate.)

Why don’t the women in Massachusetts get the guarantee? Is there something so intolerable in Massachusetts that a guarantee cannot be honored? I’m stumped. I always presumed that the people of Massachusetts were fine, upstanding people. Weren’t the Kennedy’s from there? And what about Spenser? My God, a place where Spenser chose to live cannot be all bad. But still, the people at Always do not feel the need to extend their warranty to the very place where the USS Constitution docks. Unheard of.

But I’m a reasonable person and, more importantly, I’m a thinker…to a fault actually. So I think this over. What the hell else am I gonna do? You can probably guess where I am while I’m reading the side of a box of FHP (femine hygiene product – look, if I’m gonna spell out Massachusetts every time, I’m abbreviating this). Think…think…ah-ha, now you know.

So I make an assumption that most likely the offer of a money back guarantee is prohibited in Massachusetts. Naturally, I ask why? What possibly could have prompted the judiciary in Massachusetts to rule on such a matter?

I can picture the courtroom. Lawyers debating on the legality of a woman’s right to a guarantee on her FHP. The statute of limitation which would govern such a guarantee. What would constitute a breach of contract on the part of the manufacturer? Could a woman’s misuse of the product void the guarantee? What agency would govern the strict quality control process? My God, this is turning into a nightmare. I’m beginning to understand the reasoning behind the no guarantee stance. It’s just too freakin’ hard to manage.

So I get it; sometimes, you don’t get a guarantee. Sometimes you just have to learn a lesson and move on. There’s not always a loophole or an easy solution. You just gotta grind on. Seems the fine people in Massachusetts get that. No wonder Spenser lives there. They’re pretty rational.

So before this turns into my love letter to the state of Massachusetts (unless it, like Pennsylvania and Virginia are Commonwealths), and before I actually learn how to spell Massachusetts, I’ll close this little post with a warning: you don’t always get a guarantee and when you don’t, make sure you’ve got yourself covered.


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