My name is Denise and I am an addict. I’ve been using for several years now. I get such a rush from using that I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I am addicted to…
…Vicks scented tissues.
Vicks scented tissues, or as I call them, two-ply heaven in a box, are extremely hard to find. Thus when I do find those lusciously scented little devils, I buy several boxes at a time; squirreling away those precious squares of menthol goodness where no one can find them.
As I type this, I’ve got a half-used tissue lying in front of me. The scent is faint now; but I’m determined to get every last molecule of menthol out of it. The way it floods my nasal passages give me a high as exquisite as any other. I float with a clear head and a quieted cough. I’m soft and warm; all from one 10 x 10 square of tissue.
I find that the scent of these tissues goes beyond unclogging nasal passages. They soothe me. I sleep with one, just one though, next to my cute pixie nose every night that I am lucky enough to have these little gems on hand. I cannot go to sleep without them and once I run out of my stash, I fall into the inevitable cycle of insomnia and sleep deprivation. It’s herion chic and asthmatic combined and it’s very, very ugly.
When I’m giddy on the Vicks ‘nex, I may slip and sneak them into my office where my co-workers and I may imbibe in a quick inhale during particularly stressful days. In that, I am a pusher. But I take some solace in the fact that I don’t deal the tissues out. I give them freely, hoping that my steady supply of soft menthol joy will keep my friends from the harder stuff: Vapo-Rub, liniment, and spearmint.
Last week at WalMart, my darling husband texted me from the tissue isle: “Babe, they’ve got Vicks tissues!” I immediately dropped the four pack of Activia yogurt and ran to the isle, scooping up three boxes before you can say ‘clean-up on aisle 7’. I’ll take scentilation over digestional regularity any day. Blah, blah regularis my ass! Give me my smelly!
I fully expect an intervention at any time. And as God is my witness, I will not go down easy. I will fight sobriety with every fiber in my body! Legalize Vicks scented tissues! Legalize Vicks scented tissues…oh wait, what? Oh, they are legal. Good night!