Random Bitches, Bitches

You might find it hard to believe, given my, well, prickly, personality, that there wasn’t something that happened this week that set me off enough to dedicate an entire blog post to bitching about it. I guess it’s been a calm week. Maybe I’ve been in an exceptionally good mood. Maybe I was asleep a lot this week. I don’t know. But the simple truth is that nothing really pissed me off enough for me to want to go off on a rant.

I kinda miss it.

So instead, I let all the little things that aggravate me throughout the week build up until I felt compelled to sit down and write a compilation bitch. On a Saturday. What the hell is this world coming too?

So here are my weekly bitches…Bitches, in no particular order.

To the people who make Secret solid antiperspirant. Why is it that every freaking tube or whatever you call it I buy breaks and instantly becomes utterly useless? I can’t imagine that it’s a matter of brute strength. And okay, I’ll give you that I am left handed but really? Is that the reason I break the damn screw thingie that makes the antiperspirant go up? Do I screw it the wrong way? I can’t believe that I’m the only goddamn left-handed person who uses Secret. You’d think we’d have heard something about that on the news. Build a better delivery system. I’m sick and tired of having to throw away a nearly fully tube (container??) because I can’t get the damn thing to turn. Fix this immediately.

To the candidates running for nomination in the primary. Stop calling me. I see enough of your horseshit on TV. I don’t need you reaching out and connecting with me personally. It makes me want to vote for you less. Really. I hate you more because you interrupted my evening. I hope you lose in the primary. I really do. Call someone else. Anyone else. Better yet, just stop calling.

To the people who think I should be as excited about their pet project as they are. Get over yourself. It’s not the end-all, be-all of projects. Sure, it’s got some merit, but it’s not going to utterly change my life. Of course I’m happy that you’ve found something to occupy your time, but for God’s sake, don’t involve me. I’ve got plenty to do. See, I write this little blog and it’s really terrific. Really, you should read it. I think it’s rather brilliant…

To the people who run stop signs. Stop. Seriously. Stop.

To the people who post nonsense on Facebook. Get in line with the people who run stop signs. No wait, I’m just kidding. Please go on writing your nonsense. I love bitching about them. My husband, on the other hand, would probably like to see you stop, but really, keep going. Now if you’re one of those people who post song lyrics on Facebook…you seriously gotta stop that. It takes me to a level of crazy that scares even me.

To the people who allow their dogs to take a piss on someone else’s bushes. That is just freakin’ rude! No one wants your damn dog’s urine on their hibiscuses. And you know we actually get out and trim those shrubs that your dog just soiled. So thanks buddy cause I just love getting stranger dog piss on my hands when I’m trimming my azalea.

Well, that’s about it for now. Please remember all the countless other topics I’ve bitched about and keep in mind that those things still piss me off. But right now, I’m focusing on the little things in life. And boy does it feel good!

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