It must have been a decent week. Friday came and went and I didn’t have a damn thing to bitch about. Maybe it was simply too busy a week and I couldn’t manage a good bitch. Either way, Friday came and went and I did not bitch.
And then came today.
I was grocery shopping, grounds enough to bitch, when I saw it. This bitch has been mentioned to me before, by a friend, and I understood the bitch and I agreed with the bitch, but I never bitched about it myself, save a small excerpt in a larger bitch. It was a small bitch within a bitch.
Today, this bitch has graduated to a bitch of its own.
I am, of course, talking about women who wear shorts or sweats with a slogan scrolled across the ass.
This has got to stop.
Let me set the scene: I was innocently standing at the deli line, ordering a pound of turkey and pound of ham for my darling husband’s lunch. I gazed to my left and there I saw it. A woman walking around with a name of something or other emblazoned across her ass. But it gets worse. This woman, she was probably in her twenties and nicely built, walked in such a manner that her ass cheeks were rendered to gel and they jiggled like hell and it honest to God made the slogan on her ass hard to read. I had to stare. I. Had. To.
And she walked in this awkward manner, shaking her ass and jiggling the letters across her ass and I kept on staring. I couldn’t believe it. This woman was thin, nicely built, and yet she looked like hell in these pants. Why? I thought it improbable. I thought a nice ass looked good in anything. I was wrong.
So here’s some free advice. Think long and hard about wearing bottoms with a slogan slapped across your ass. Whether it be ‘dance’ or ‘cheer’ or the name of your favorite team, what it’s really saying is ‘wide, jiggly load’.
And that’s just sad.
Keep the backside slogan-free!