How I Manage to Break the Ten Commandments…Daily

We were sitting around the lunch table today and I had been in a particularly sinful type of mood. I was all hostile and unfriendly and generally just exhibiting a lot of things that made my boss say that I was going to hell. And while I acknowledged that he was probably right, I did defend myself by saying that while I do technically sin, a lot, I don’t really break the Ten Commandments on a daily basis.

And that was the funniest thing any of them had ever heard.

So I said, “Well, that the hell are the Ten Commandments?” I won’t add the ‘goddammit’ that I said at the time. We’ll just forget I said it.

My boss, a very intelligent man, felt the absolute compulsion to list as the first of them, “Taking the Lord’s name in vain.” Guilty. It’s my adjective of choice. Sorry. So one down and nine to go. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed.

The next one was “Keep the Sabbath Holy”. I do not go to Mass. I don’t pretend to go either. So strike two and here’s a little parting gift for my journey to hell.

We went on to honoring my father and mother and I had to admit that I didn’t do that too well either. I’m not totally disrespecting my parents, hell I don’t really have parents anymore, but I don’t revere them as I probably should. So I guess right now I’m 0-3. It’s getting hot around here.

And while I never murdered, cheated, lied (big ones) or stolen (coveted), I’ve wished people dead, lusted after the flesh as well as someone’s Mercedes and there was the errant case of water that was on the bottom of my cart which I forgot to pay for at WalMart several years ago. I’m not going to give myself a total pass on these Commandments, but I will say that I’m sort on the bubble when it comes to breaking them. So now maybe I’m not front row on the Hell Bus anymore, but I still got my ticket punched and they’re fitting me for my flaming rags for eternal damnation.

I had to look up the rest of the Commandments to see if, in fact, I was violating any more. I’m pretty deep into the ‘graven images’ bullshit because I go around touting myself as a Pagan. So a big check on the idol worship. And while we’re at it; I suppose the whole Pagan admission would put the ‘no other gods before me’ in the ‘do it’ column. And while I honestly don’t worship idols, I don’t not worship them, so I guess either way, I’m sorta off the straight and narrow here.

So I guess I’m going to Hell. (Whether that’s a real place is another blog). Now what? Do I change my ways? Try and live by a code of morality, or perceived morality, and fear of eternal damnation, again perceived,  if I do not? Or do I just keep on going, pushing the envelope and while I’m not out there murdering and laying waste to the countryside, still continue on with my sinful ways? You’re guess is as good as mine. I think it’s a toss-up: be someone I’m not, hinging it all on a mysterious afterlife that I don’t really buy into, or be myself and devil be damned when I die. Either way, what do I gain? What do I lose? Pretty heady questions from some goofball Pagan with a potty mouth.

So you’re probably asking, ‘what’s the moral of the story here?’ Really? I’m going to hell and you want a moral from me? Damn, you might be worse off than me!


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