Humidity isn’t Bad if You’re a Fish

I was playing with the fish (yes, you can do that, it’s called feeding them) this morning and it is hot as absolute ground zero hell outside. I was sweating making the three foot trek from the fish food to the pond.

Fish aren’t affected by humidity. They suck.

The fish were kinda startled that I was uncomfortable. They were happily swimming around as if it were 72 degree with zero humidity. Their day was no different. Oh sure, maybe their water was a little warmer, but that was easily remedied by either flopping around near the waterfall or heading down to the deep end for a good long soak.

So it got me wondering…just what else are fish unaffected by?

Well, the obvious, rain. Fish don’t care if it’s raining. They’re already wet. In fact, a little bit of rain is actually fun for the fish. It’s rejuvenates their water supply, cools it a little and gives them things to play with. Don’t believe me? Throw some ice in a fish pond and see what happens. Well, don’t do it if it’s not your fish pond, you might make people mad. You can do it in mine, so long as your ice isn’t soaked in vodka. If it is, I wanna know #1 why you didn’t share your vodka and #2 why you didn’t share you vodka. But fish are basically oblivious to rain.

I guess you could say wind, normal wind, is something a fish doesn’t really have to worry about either. Sure, hurricane-force winds would present a problem to fish, but really, if you’re a fish feeling 100 mile an hour winds, you got bigger problems than a breeze blowing your scales. You’re probably out of the freaking water, a mile in the air and kissing your fishy tail goodbye. So by and large, a breezy day doesn’t affect a fish.

Whether the republicans or the democrats control congress isn’t really anything that would keep a fish up all night. They don’t care about politics so long as the fish sticks keep getting dumped in. And I’m assuming that the political structure of our little pond would be the big fish are the leaders and the smaller fish stay out of the way. I don’t see much in terms of fish strife in the pond and in general it appears that democracy rules in the 2000 gallons of universe that sits right off my patio. I should find out if they have universal healthcare.

Fish could give a shit what I look like. In fact, I don’t even think the recognize me although I’ve got my nose about three inches from the water on many occasions. They might, just might, recognize my voice, but if they do; they don’t care. So expanding that thought, I’m going to say that fish aren’t biased on the basis of gender, nationality, color, or religion. (If they’re looking for religion in my backyard, they’re certainly effed.)

So fish are the hippies of the animal kingdom. They just go around living the fish life in a very an almost Zen-like fashion. I envy fish. Correction: I envy my fish. And if I weren’t afraid they’d touch me, I’d go sit in the pond with them.


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