The Good Old Facebook Days

I miss the good old days. You know, when MTV played videos. When the most exotic shot in the bar was Bailey’s chilled. And especially when people actually talked on Facebook. Lately, FB has been so boring. People playing games, winning weird cooking awards or sharing photos of shit with which they have no connection.

I miss a good old controversy.

I remember two years ago when there was an uproar in my community. It was school related and since I’m in the thick of it at the school, I took a special interest in this drama and I relished every day when I could check out the newest rant against the idioticy of the school administrators. You’d think we were trying to separate the town into East and West. Like we were throwing up a wall and telling you that we didn’t give a good damn if your gramma lived in West Town. You were an Easterner now and you’re gonna like it. (We’d trash talk like that, you just know it.)

But that was fun. I loved the tension it created especially when I would run into the “enemy” in the grocery store. Pretty brave hiding behind a computer screen crying foul and prejudice. Not so much when we’re both looking over melons in the produce isle.

Ah, the good old days.

But now Facebook is just polluted with stuff I could care less about. And the religion stuff…I’m over it. Hey, you can love god all you want, just don’t be plastering it all over my wall. You don’t see me spewing my pagan slogans (yes, there’s slogans), all over your wall, do you? So just stoppit. Really.

And probably what I miss the absolute most is seeing a ‘friend’s’ love life plastered all over the cybersphere. It’s like watching a cheesy horror film. It starts out all cute and nice and everyone’s sitting around loving each other. There’s kisses and flowers and declarations of love everlasting. This part makes me absolutely giddy. Looking at the screen and reading their syrupy posts of how cute the other is (I’m not, you are!) and how they had the absolutely, most fabulous, incredible, cosmic weekend ever. Or how their new love surprised them with the most wonderful, beautiful, thoughtful gift that was ever gifted. Listing to their love drivel is what keeps me going sometimes.

Why? Cause I know it’s going to end.

And when it ends, well, I get goose bumps just thinking about it. First, you won’t see any posts for a while. The ‘friend’ still has a shred of dignity and a smidgen of self-respect. But soon that goes right in the shitter. The boyfriend hasn’t called, is dating his ex, or *gasp* hasn’t declared his crimes and asked forgiveness for every Facebooker on the planet to see. Dignity-schmigity and my ‘friend’ is posting about the dirty rotten bastard. He’s trash, he’s a cheater. How could she have been fooled again? Gee, I don’t know. You’d think you’d have learned after the first dozen or so times! And then she’s never going to love again. She’s through with men and she’s going to only trust her dog. I throw up an eyebrow in skepticism. I know the truth. As Mother Nature is my witness, this girl is going to get back online and find herself another perfect man.

And the circle remains unbroken.

God, I miss the good old days!

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