The New Year has started in such a jumble for me; frankly a carryover from the last part of the old one, but a jumble none the less. True emotions and resolutions that had been glossed over, pushed deep inside or flat out ignored have resurfaced. New purpose and direction has come to me and I feel driven in a completely new direction. I’m excited about this direction but I’m also scared shitless.
Change isn’t easy but it’s often necessary and I can’t help but envy those of us who are strong enough to embrace it. I can’t help but feel a certain jealousy when I see people striking out on their own and conquering new things. I can’t help but believe that I am becoming one of those people. I think it’s a horrible blessing: seeing how different you want your life to be and actually being resolved to do it. Maybe it would be easier just to hide, to do as my aunt would say and suffer The Ostrich Syndrome.
When you see what you want and you envision a pathway to getting there; it’s like getting a second chance. A new lease on your life and it’s one of those cakey ones too: low payment and high mileage and super cool wheels. It’s thrilling and terrifying all in the same breathe and sometimes those breaths are long and deep and other times they are short and constrictive. There are times I feel I’m at the top of the mountain, taking in the crisp air, arms spread wide and feeling like I’m ready to take on the world. There are times where I feel like I’m six feet under, fetal position and gasping for breath. It’s a rollercoaster ride of epic proportions. The thrill ride of life and I think I’m on endless loop of leaps and dips and corkscrew turns.
So here’s to a strong and dynamic 2013. My wish for you is my wish for myself: maybe we all find the strength and resolve to find our true happiness. May we all be willing to go out on a limb, work a little harder and shed a few tears to become the people we know we are. And may we all be together at the close of the year to celebrate our lives. Happy New Year everyone. I bet it’s gonna be a good one!