Finding Bull Shit

I admit it! I’ve got a guilty pleasure and that pleasure is the TV series Finding Bigfoot. Every Sunday my 11 year old and I stay up past our bedtimes and watch the antics of Matt, Ranae, Cliff and the irrepressible BoBo as they try and convince us that Bigfoot is, in fact, real.

Yet they never seem to find them.

These poor bastards (and you don’t know how long I’ve waited to pen the words poor bastards in one of my blogs) spend countless nights in the woods, often plagued by insects, mud, snow and rain and for what? Do they ever find bigfoot? No! Their sorry asses (another phrase I’ve been dying to use!) are always one step behind the creature, never seeing him and relying solely on witness testimony as a basis for their belief that bigfoots (feets?) are real.

One of my favorite parts of the show is when one of the cast members does a cameo and tells me that the forest or ridge or plain they are now investigating is ‘prime sasquatch territory’. I also get a kick out of what they’ll describe as ‘typical squatch behavior’ or ‘perfect squatch habitat’. It gives me a thrill to see that these guys are so attune to squatches even though they have no substantial proof that the damn smelly things exist.

Another thing that tickles me pink, and the good kind of pink, is when they throw the casts’ names up on the screen and right underneath the name is “Expert Bigfoot Caller” or “Expert Evidence Analysis”. We’ve never seen these things, they dispute just about every sound they hear out there and yet we’ve got these experts out there making the sounds and interpreting the evidence like they’re identifying the alphabet. It’s just so common, we all should know which tree knocks are from bigfoots and which are just woodsy noises. I love it!

The cast themselves are entertaining enough without me ever seeing a bigfoot. I love the interaction between them with the three males being true believers and the one female the tried and true skeptic. I love how the men will roll their eyes and try to refute the woman’s skepticism. They so want to believe that it’s a bigfoot track, or that blurry dark spot on a 50 year old reel of film is truly a sasquatch and there she is, pissing in their cereal. Incredulous! But great TV. And when they all sorta get testy with each other, hell, pop me some corn! It’s getting interesting.

If the cast members weren’t enough to keep me watching, the witnesses they find certainly keep my ass glued to my chair. They are so sure they’ve seen something that is more elusive that the Giant Squid. They give us these bullshit stories of how they actually had bigfoot over for dinner one night and how their third cousin actually married one and now lives in the ‘burbs at the end of a cul de sac. And the cast believes it! Well, in fairness, they believe most of it. Even they have their limits.

In the end, the team never finds bigfoot, but they can’t rule out any patch of land, no matter how un-squatch-like it may seem. They swear they’ll be back to visit and leave us all panting for next Sunday when we see the whole nail-biting endeavor once again.

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