Get Off My Cloud!

I was watching the morning television news, on my phone of course, when I heard that in about three years’ time, there will be so many smartphones hogging up the cloud and related bandwidth that my phone will run slow. Experts predict – another way to say we have no freaking idea – that there’s going to be a cyber log jam of epic proportions with all of us using our phones like a tablet.

This stopped me dead in my tracks. What are you people thinking hogging up my cloud? You’re going to slow down my smartphone and then there’s gonna be hell to pay!

Why do you need to constantly check your status and play your games and watch your videos? Why is it that you just can sit on the bus/breakroom/toilet and think quietly inside your head? Why do you have to text your friend who is sitting across the table from you instead of vocalizing? Come on! Go old school with your social lives! I need my bandwidth!

I never used to worry about it. Back in those glorious carefree days, I felt confident in my little piece of the cloud. I was racing through my phone like there was no tomorrow. Until tomorrow came and I’m jockeying for space with a bunch of crazies!

This freaks me out. If I have to wait more than a second for my friends’ statuses to load, my head is going to explode! If I can’t send my next move to my wordie friends, I’m going to lose it. And God forbid if I lose an online auction bid because some numbnut is piddling around looking at his email…there’s gonna be trouble.

So do me a favor and go back to the basic phone. Help me keep what’s left of my sanity and save yourself a few bucks in the process. That way, we’ll all be happy.

Thank you for your cooperation.



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