I recently ended a friendship. It was partly a mutual ending but I was the one to walk away. Circumstances warranted the split. And I left. And I really haven’t looked back.
Well, I may have looked back a little.
When any kind of “-ship” ends – be it friend, partner, relation or otherwise – you are bound to examine the details and maybe learn how you ended up leaving someone you cared about. And if you are an over thinker, you do this non-stop for way too many hours of your day. But regardless of how much time you (over)spend on it, you are always looking for what you did wrong.
And that’s when you have to understand that maybe it wasn’t you.
Not every “-ship” is meant to last. Not every person is completely compatible with you. And not every person has the same investment in the “-ship” as you do. Some people may think they do, but in the end, their interests turn elsewhere and you are left over thinking and wondering and, yes, blaming yourself.
In my mind, I had set some hard limits as to what I would tolerate. I had verbalized those limits in subtle and not so subtle conversations. And I knew that eventually those limits would be breached and the friendship would be over. I knew it and I know my ex-friend knew it as well. But that did not stop the breach. And that is not my fault. Standards were established and expectations were not met. End of story.
Still I question my decision. And still I miss my friend. I want to pick up the phone and text. I miss what we had. But I know that I can’t compromise myself and I knew what I wouldn’t tolerate. And while I will not re-establish that connection, I will read give myself some time to mourn. And maybe to learn. And then to move on.
Parting is not always sweet sorrow. Sometimes, it’s just quietly fading away on a foggy night with only your navigation lights running. And that’s okay.
Never be afraid to bail when you see the “-ship” is going nowhere! Stay true to yourself because you are so worth it.